For those of us going through the joys of online dating, you can concur that it’s not a job (well, it is!) but also an adventure.
I’m in the thick of it right along with you. Trust me. And it’s not pretty.
Let’s take a recent experience I had.
Scheduled a call with a seemingly smart, creative dude outside of Minneapolis. I’ll call him Bachelor #1. We got on the phone and he used the time to speak about his alcoholic ex-wife for 45 minutes, however, he did manage to get to a tie breaking question of “So, you got kids, too?” I ended the conversation somewhat abruptly (which I have been known to do-I’m not good at saying goodbye gracefully-ask my last boyfriend) and said I enjoyed our time, followed by a text the next day saying I wasn’t feeling what I needed to feel to go forward. Minneapolis Man seemed incredulous as to why, and I gave him a free, 15-minute coaching session. Yep, helping my single sisters in Minnie out a bit!
I related the agonizing call to my friend Nancy in NC, and she taught me how to knock on my own front door-train my dog to bark and get off the phone because someone was visiting. While I haven’t used it, yet, I do plan on it sometime soon when and if the time comes.
Let’s move to Bachelor #2. Groovy guy, handsome, smart, from my home state, lives in the South to help his granddaughter with school. This man used our phone call to bash his soon to be ex with vim, vigor and anger. Supposedly, the soon to be ex was a foreign beauty from one of the Scandinavian countries with an MBA. She had broken up the marriage of a supposed Hugh Hefner hottie. He married her because he could change her, she was “helpless” and needed a strong north star to guide her. The veritable White Knight in a shiny Range Rover shows up, and bam. He’s happy, she’s happy, until she repeats history and cheats. And our helpless bachelor is left standing wondering how that happened, BECAUSE HE PROVIDED SO MUCH FOR HER and sadly, is coming across to a lovely soul as a wounded and angry human, when all I wanted to do was get to know him a bit.
He was having a ball reliving his anger and disgust with her until I stepped in and said “At one time you deeply loved this woman. This doesn’t suit you to come across as a misogynist.”
As you can imagine, the barbs came out. He was upset I spoke my mind, and once again, I dodged a bullet of anger and narcissism. I’ve been there and done that, and it’s an avenue I won’t go down again.
Ladies, I am sure you can relate to these stories, and have many more to share with me. I would love to chat with you about them. Guys, I know you have them as well. It’s not a one sided affair. So many lonely people who just want to spill their beans.
More importantly, I would like to appeal to the fellas reading this. Guys. Stop talking about your exes, yourself, your kids, your stuff. The way to a woman’s bed is through her head. She MUST know that you are interested in her, and that constitutes getting to know her and hearing her. It’s not about you selling yourself. And ladies, same deal. Guys need to feel you are interested in them as the supporting and confident figure you seek.
Men, if you need dating coaching, I am up to listening to your tales of your ex, because you pay me to do it. However, it’s not the perspective new gals’ job to listen. If you speak of that, and she does too, its immediate grounds for dismissal, in my book. Do not drag in the past. Think about the future you want and how potentially this new person can fit into that…..
I’m available for coaching, matchmaking, online profile re-do and other fun things. My number is 4141 914 5715 and my email is firstname.lastname@example.org
Taylor Nix photo credit from Unsplash.