While working with clients on writing their dating profiles, I find myself in a spot where I must hold back, hold my thoughts and feelings, and especially hold my tongue.
Because the person that my clients are looking for doesn’t exist.
Yes. That’s right. He or she exists in a Disney movie, but not in real life.
Let me expand.
Everybody has their preferred types…..and we all have a mental list (and many have an actual list they use to manifest their future mates) of what we feel we need and want, and the list can be loosey goosey or as finite as the carats on a diamond. When we are seeking diamonds, we often miss other valuable gems due to a variety of reasons.
I ask, are we shooting ourselves in the foot and poising ourselves to never find love?
I think we may be. The tighter our list, the more difficult it will be to find. Take for example, many women want a man who is 6’2”. They feel at this height, he’s more protective, sexy, responsible-you name the adjectives. However, only 3.9% of the male population in the U.S. is that height, and when you take into consideration age, religion, color, hobbies, core values, you may be lucky if you find one man in a city of 75,000 to fit that bill. (The average height for a man in the U.S. it’s 5’9”) The point I’m making is this-if we limit ourselves to thinking we HAVE to find X, Y and Z, we will most likely find ourselves alone. It’s that simple, and while being alone has its merits, those seeking relationships do not want this as an option.
So, how do we get over these hard and fast rules?
We lead with curiosity.
We lead with knowing that the things that matter most are NOT what a person HAS, MAKES or DRIVES….
We lead with hope, and open heart, a tabla rasa, and an open mind.
While using dating apps, we start conversations to get to know someone versus immediately dismissing them. I’ve worked with many women who swipe left because a man with many wonderful qualities has too many people in one of the photos, who is 1” shorter than ideal. Yes. Truth!
We look for green flags versus red ones.
Our conviction is that there is someone wonderful out there for us who may not meet all the “must haves,” but who hits the mark on the important things. For me, these qualities include being emotionally available, mentally stable, financially stable, sexy, able to engage in intimacy, funny, smart, self-sufficient and Bonus points for men who know how to operate power tools and open doors. (I just HAD to include that)
Be open minded to the possibilities. That’s where the magic happens.
I’m here to help you find love. Please give me a call at 414 914 5715