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We’ve all been on them.


You meet someone on line, you’ve chatted, you “clicked,”, and you’re excited about the date. You get your hair done, a mani and pedi, a great shave, a haircut. You’re prepared to put your best foot forward. You’re ready.


You arrive. Someone comes up to you and introduces himself/herself. You stare in disbelief because “this person”……THIS PERSON….this person…who the heck is this person?


Once the initial shock subsides, how do you handle it?

1 Take a deep breath! I know this sounds like a no-brainer, but as the shock and upset subside, you’ll feel a whole lot better if you get the anger out of your body.


2 Reframe the date — immediately. This is not going to be a person you want ever to see again, so you can relax and enjoy your meal, your drink, the voices in your head, etc. You don’t have to be “on” or try to impress. All you have to do is get through the immediate date, go home, drink yourself silly, call your friends, and remember that there is another person out there, going through the very same thing, at the very same time. We are not alone in this journey, unfortunately.


3 Ask a zillion questions. This takes the pressure off you and allows you to let them speak. As we all know, people love talking about themselves, and you may actually learn something. (What I learned, in many cases, is that I never want to date again!)


4 Get a game plan together to make sure this won’t happen again. What does that look like? Is it doing Facetime before you meet? Is it asking for a picture with a date on it? Is it perhaps ONLY planning on coffee for your next go-round? My question to you is: hat did you LEARN from this experience?


5 Keep reminding yourself that this is a process — sometimes a cruel joke, yes, but a process. Take another big, deep breath. And remember that your special someone is also saying the same thing. You just need to find each other.


Lori Mendelsohn connects people both personally and professionally. With a knack for introducing people who wind up saying, "I do," she can of course be reached by email..

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