As I look over the events of the last week sometimes, I’m mortified by what has happened.
People saying the wrong thing, people doing the wrong thing and people so completely unaware that they are saying or doing the wrong thing boggles my mind.
I’d like to give you an example of one from my own personal experiences.
This one comes from a man who wanted to date me, fully well knowing that our geographical location was undesirable. He knows that I am moving to the East Coast and lives close to four hours away from me to the West but still wanted to meet me. We did indeed meet and had a lot of laughs together. He asked me if I would come and visit him in his hometown so he could show me around and we could go hiking, fishing, and other outdoor sporting activities. I was excited about the idea of this so I could learn how to fish and get out of my own neighborhood. I also knew deep down that this was merely for fun and not long term. I was hoping to have some new experiences.
We started having regular dialogues, nearly every day. He called, I received. They were fun and somewhat flirty and in one of the conversations he blatantly said, “I’m not going to marry you!”
This threw me for a loop because it was so out of context, a no brainer, and given the distance now, and the impending distance would be impossible. But it’s something that no woman ever wants to hear. Ever. Nothing is carved in stone and no one, even this dude, can predict the future. Yes, us girls love living in our own fantasyland that there are so many men suited for us, we simply can’t choose!
Why did this upset me so?
Because it’s a form of rejection. We would all like to think there are many valuable things about us, things that make us unique and different, things that are so different from other women our age and yes, that sad self-talk that there is still someone out there who is also actively seeking me as well. When the door slams, it’s not just a slam, it’s a thud, and the thud takes on a whole new meaning of “here we go again” and “Why is this so difficult.”
My stable brain merely says, “He’s not my guy” and my heart says “Oh, honey, it’s okay. There will be one 1,000 times better.” In this case, I believe both thoughts and feelings.
What is one of the worst things you have been told by someone who you dated? I’d love to hear.
I’m Lori Mendelsohn-a dating coach, dating app profile writer and intuitive matchmaker. You can reach me at 414 914 5715.